I like Firemen. And I'll tell you why. I look in my mailbox this morning and I found a letter from precinct 47 ,
"Listen you fat ugly jerk, we know you put all those cats in those trees. Twenty-three times. Twenty-three times we had to get a truck to pull some cat out of a tree. So thanks. Thanks for making our lives so goddamn hard. If we ever see you actually put a cat in a tree, we'll really give you a thank you! You can be sure of that!"
And I was like, Your welcome! Your welcome Firemen! I mean how thoughtful is that? That they'd go out of their way to send me a thank you note? I've never gotten a thank you note! Ever! And it just made me realize how much work I've done over the years and how I've helped so many people!
Honestly, where would half those heroes be without me? Sitting at home, living their boring little lives, with nothing to do. Us villains need to be appreciated more! Why can't more heroes be like firemen? I provide so much excitement for so many people and it just...it just gets me choked up a little. I'd be tempted to cry if I had the eyes to do it with.
Well, I guess I'll just have to double my efforts from now on! Those firemen really deserve it!
Bwahahaha! Someone hand me my kitten cannon!