Thursday, September 10, 2009

Meanwhile in the lavatory of doom...

Ok, ok I guess I should do a real post. It's not like I can afford to lose any of my audiance.

So the other day I hired a professional voice over guy to narrate my actions while I'm actually doing them. You know, like in comics and those old corny superhero shows. His name is Gerald. Gerald just said,

"The horrible green miscreant types away furiously at his internet blog, however futile the attempt may be!"

That's what I like to hear, Gerald. You know it really just pulls together the whole damned experience when you've got a gorgeous damsel in a min-skirt, trussed up in a precarious position, dangling over a large pit of ravenous sea bass, and a guy in a fancy suit booms out:

"The helpless damsel struggles against her binds furiously, but to no avail! The villainous cur cackles maniacally! He wrings his hands menacingly lying in wait for the girl's inevitable doom!"

It's stuff like that that gets me just tingly all over. And Marley seems to like him. Which is strange because being a 20 foot long 300 lb tentacle monster, he doesn't like many people. Well he likes eating them, but that's different. And I managed to write him off as a work expense so he's not even that expensive! I'd highly recommend a professional voice over guy in whatever field you're working in.

It just gets a might awkward when I walk into the lavatory to do my vile dirty business and all I hear outside is:

"Meanwhile in the lavatory of doom, the monster pushes and struggles...using every ounce of his strength to release the demon within himself! But his efforts are met with only the stench of defeat and flatulence..."

Just...odd. And not the good kind of odd like you get from underneath the park bench. Well, a little good odd. Anyways, I have some nightly stalking to get to. Take us out Gerald!

"At last, the cruel being from beyond the stars has finished his internet blog! A wave of warm fulfillment rushes through his lanky fingers! But how long will this refreshing feeling last? And what devious adventures lie in wait for this social deviant of a sociopath? Tune in next time, faithful readers!"

Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

been awhile...

The many readers of my blog may be wondering why I haven't posted in awhile. All six of you. That's primarily because I've failed to give a crap.