Tuesday, August 11, 2009

one of those days

Yeeeeuck. You ever have one of those days that leaves a bad taste in your mouth? And not the good kind of bad taste like moldy cheese or aged gum from underneath the chair.

Today I met the most annoying maiden I've ever had the displeasure to kidnap. From the get-go it was just horrendous. For starters, the tiny chihuahua she kept in her bag tasted awful. Just awful. Stringy, tasteless, and barking all the way down. I don't know what she put on it but that was just the worst small animal I've eaten since the chipmunk fiasco three months ago.

Then when I swept her over my shoulder to actually kidnap her, she complained about my posture and wouldn't stop whining until I brought her shopping bag full of shoes with us. What am I, her butler? I can't be bothered with heels and pumps!

And she would not stop complaining the whole way through! "I'm tired!" "Don't mess up my hair!" "This is sexual harassment!" "Your hat is tacky!" "My cell phone doesn't get signal in this area!"

Thank Blorg for the guy who invented ball gags.

And then I start tying her to the train tracks and her fracking cellphone won't stop ringing! And of course it's one of those annoying pop song rings that I just can't stand.

And the worst of it is I'm sitting there waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, watching her squirm, and...nothing happens. There's construction on the line. Won't be another train for a week.

What a waste of a day. To think the number of rabid hamster I could have shot into a crowd of Japanese tourists instead of going on that whole useless adventure. Bleaaahh!

Well I'm just going to curl up with Marley and read a good book. I've been meaning to pick up "I was a teenage slime monster and you can too" again.

Here's the real question:

Where does belly button lint come from? And if I eat it, will it travel back to my belly button from whence it came?

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Whatever happened to good cartoons?

So I've been back on my couch numbing my brain on fruitless television for obvious reasons, and I just discovered my new favorite old show: "The perils of Penelope Pitstop" The whole cartoon revolves around "The Hooded Claw" kidnapping the blond haired damsel, Penelope, and puting her in precarious positions. One involved a sippy-bird, rope, and a pit full of crocodiles and another one involved chains, a Frankenstein-esque laboratory, electrodes, a melting lamp, and a giant ice cube filled with frozen electric eels.

They've been running an all night marathon. Needless to say, I've been keeping a notebook handy.

But it just makes me wonder, whatever happened to good old fashioned wholesome cartoons? You know the ones. Villain meets girl, villain kidnaps girl, villain ties girl to train tracks, hero ruins everything, villain shakes fists and skulks away...I'd like to think it's classic 60's and 70's cartoon programing that made me the alien I am today.

Whatever happened to penelope pitstop and the hooded claw? Or Snidely Whiplash? Or the big bad wolf? Or the more adventurous scooby-doo villains?

Who else am I missing? I have to set up my tivo and order some dvds...