Monday, July 27, 2009

My ever growing slug gut

Well I've been one lazy vaudevillian. I've been camped on the couch with Marley watching the evil cooking channel all week. Sure I know how to simmer and boil rabid turnips, but I can slowly feel my brain being sucked out of my nose while my limbs become numb and brittle and my butt steadily expands to the size of a plutonian slug!

Note to self: Use TV as a torture device.

But I digress. The point is my hat's been gathering more dust and cobwebs than usual, and I'll have no more of it! Tomorrow I'm going to prepare a stern regiment to get my pimply butt out of this slump:

Get up
Feed Marley
Take Marley for walk
Find cute damsel
Kidnap cute damsel
Tie said damsel to something
Steal candy from small child
Laugh at said child
Blow up something
Work on new doomsday device

That seems like a rather reasonable schedule, doesn't it? Tomorrow I'm going to get up, put on my top hat, and laugh maniacally at the world!

Right after I learn about this so-called pot roast to die for...

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